Quand on est Con …

OK… Brassens cornered the market on guitar-playing and singing:

« Quand on est con, on est con »           [If you don’t know it – have a laugh and watch].

But I’m still going to have a go at it… as life and hospital visits ‘obligent‘……………….

A very good friend went to a day hospital recently for a battery of intensive tests to get ready for a much-needed and pretty urgent operation.  A good idea: let’s face it, if you are going to have an op., better the surgeons and anaesthetists have a pretty good idea of how well your body is functioning before they start putting you ‘under’ and making incisions, so I’m not knocking the idea at all.  In this case the execution [unfortunate word, I know!] left much to be desired.  Here’s the story first-hand as I received it….

One of the things an anaesthetist needs to know, is about a patient’s sleep patterns: apnoeia [stopping breathing for long periods from 30 seconds to 2 minutes or more] could potentially cause problems… and scare the hell out of the operation theatre staff if they didn’t know the patient tended to habitually stop breathing from time to time!  So they wire you up to a recorder of breathing and let you drop off to sleep to see what happens….. well they do if they [whoever ‘they’ might be] actually turn up.  In this case… no-one did – with no advance warning.  Despite the fact that the appointment had been on the books for months the member of staff concerned subsequently booked a period of holiday [richly deserved, I’m sure], but the system failed to rearrange the appointment.  No test, then.  An administrative cock-up…. but a cock-up with consequences.

So, off to a cardiac test ‘à l’effort‘ [pedaling a bike for all you are worth while the cardiologist’s able assistant smiles and puts the brakes on the wheels until you can barely turn the pedals – a great job for sadists, that!].  Well, the lifts were out of order, so the hospital orderly arrived late to conduct the patient to the other side of the hospital and the Cardio test centre.  The appointment was for 1115.  Orderly arrives with patient at 1125: 10 minutes ‘late’, but nobody’s fault but the hospital’s – certainly not the patient’s.  The cardio Doc was just walking out.  Turning back he snapped: ‘You’re late!’ at the patient: ‘I take that as disrespect!‘.  The patient tried patiently [well, what else would it be!?!] to explain.  Even though there were no other patients before 1200, the doctor refused to do the test claiming he had a clinic to do in the afternoon.  The patient remonstrated that as the test would take just 20 minutes, all would be finished well before noon – after all the delay was hardly her fault and, but for the arrival of an emergency case, she was ‘priority’ as she was admitted to the Day Hospital and that the date of a pretty major operation was hanging on having the results.  This cut no ice at all and the doctor refused, point blank to treat his patient and stormed off in a huff.  Result: another test missed and a replacement appointment offered in February!!  Given the hoped-for op. is to be scheduled for Jan or Feb provided all the test results are in by the end of October that is hardly a viable response, now, is it?  Leaves the patient looking for another cardiologist who might be capable of doing the test and writing a report within 2 weeks, otherwise the dossier will be incomplete and a critical operation is going to be put back.  All because of an insensitive, insulting, snobbish idiot of a Doc.

So, then:

• A doctor who may have all the qualifications in the world, but not an ounce of sympathy, respect or bedside manner for his patient or the reality of circumstances.  [The patient, in fact, probably outranks him in terms of job seniority in the public sector too!].
• The patient with a wasted half-day – needing to cancel business appointments for the whole day, of course.  This will mean another half day in hospital and rearranging  another half day of work commitments for the privilege.
• If it doesn’t all come together, the patient may wind up missing the operation ‘slot’ and have to suffer more months of waiting in considerable pain.

Why am I bothering to write, to moan?

OK, as I said, we are talking about a good friend here, but more than that, I have already written about the French hospital service [yes and even its administration] as being ‘non-pareil’ – I ‘road-tested’ it once or twice – had a good view from the ‘brancard’, if you like, and I was enormously impressed by the ability, dedication, efficiency, effectiveness of it all and especially by the ward staff and their unfailing sympathy and willingness to help and to see you better.  So I may not (yet) be French, but I’m proud of such service and I don’t want to see it sullied by expensive, highly-trained, well-qualified individuals who have somehow come to detach illness from the patient and treat the latter as expendable and with nothing short of (seemingly well-rehearsed) disdain.

I know why we call those going to hospital ‘patients’ now: because if we were not ‘patient’ and restrained with certain individuals we might just be prepared to tell them where to get off their high horses and try being human for a change…. preferably by putting themselves in the patient’s ‘shoes‘.

We have a saying in English, that you ‘never kick a man when he is down‘.

Well, all patients are, by definition, ‘down‘ and do not need or deserve such a metaphorical ‘kicking‘.

This is ‘Katy the Half-Dog‘ our nutty white Golden Retriever ….

Not a neurone to her name, poor love, [let alone BAC + 7 qualifications], but she has more: respect, common sense, generosity of spirit, heart and willingness to listen and to always try to do the right thing [even if she is not quite sure what that is!] than at least one Doctor who should know far better……………

Come to think of it, I know a good Canine Comportementaliste who has had immense success with Katy … wonder whether he might be prepared to re-programme a Doc as well???

End of rant!